This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
