can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
