We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
