Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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