It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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