she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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