I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
