he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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