my being single is dangerous.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
