How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
