She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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