We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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