what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
