the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
