Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
