Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
