I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
