Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
