Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
