my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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