so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
