my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
