One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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