i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
