Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
