He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
