i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
