Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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