Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
