Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
