Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I will pee on everything he values.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
