Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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