Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
