things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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