Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
