Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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