Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm having to shit out rocks
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
