Apparently you make a good broom.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
