The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
