i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
