we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
