I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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