theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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