No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
