Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
