If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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