I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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