I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
