Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
