I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
