i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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