ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
